How to use your ‘smiling eyes’ to help your kids behave.
by Susie E. Caron © 5/24/15
Everyone agrees that Children need good food, a warm dry home, and lots of love to grow and thrive. But did you know they also need lots of smiles and positive eye contact from you? If you want them to grow up feeling valued, cared for, and loved they need lots of smiling positive eye contact. What’s even more interesting is that smiling eyes and positive thoughts can encourage your kids to behave better now.
Brain studies have revealed that when you smile at someone, your smile turns on the reward system in the brain of the person you smile at. When you frown, it turns off. Now everyone knows - what you reward is more likely to get repeated. (I like to say “You grow what you’re feeding.”) So now you know, that whenever you make positive eye contact and genuinely smile at your child you are rewarding him/her for whatever state your child is in. Furthermore, because of this reward, you will likely see more of this good behavior as your child grows up.
You probably already use your eyes to tell to your kids when they need to stop doing something naughty. Most of us know that we send these corrective messages through our eyes, but we often neglect to use our eyes to send really positive messages to kids as well. Your kids need this. They need to see good stuff in your smiling eyes directed at them in order to grow and thrive. They also need you to think positive thoughts about them, while you are smiling and looking at them. You may ask, “But how can I possibly think good things when my kids are misbehaving?” Well they are not always misbehaving are they? Catch them in the in-between moments, especially the moments when they are just being okay; when nothing special is going on. Look at them and with smiling eyes think things like these below:
You are amazing.
I am so happy you are my child.
I believe in you.
I love you.
I’m always so proud of you.
In my work with children and families, I have seen the beneficial changes that positive thoughts and smiling eyes can make. Kids grow to feel better about themselves, they behave more graciously toward others, and as an added bonus, you feel better about your kids. I challenge you to put this into practice and see the difference it makes with your children. With practice you can grow good children by feeding them your smiling eyes and positive thoughts.
Thank you for reading. Could you add something to the list above? Why not add it in the comments below.
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Twee’ means you and me
Susie E. Caron
Susie E. Caron MA,
Author, Blogger, Podcaster,
Christian, Wife, & Mother, helps build parent-child relationships, 1 blog, book & podcast at a time.
Welcome! I recently retired from combined careers in teaching, psychotherapy, and parent coaching to spend more time writing.
When I'm not busy creating books or articles, you might find me looking for dark chocolate or riding my beautiful horse Apple in the woods and fields of Vermont.
These articles are for educational and self-help purposes only and are not intended as psychotherapy.
If you experience unusual symptoms or discomfort please see your medical or mental health practitioner.
No patent liability is assumed for use of the information contained. The author disclaims any responsibility for loss or risk for use or application of this material.
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Blog Reviews & Thank You!
July 13 at 7:17pm ·
Just wanted to say that I love your posts about the different ways to connect/relate/understand your child. It has given me a new approach towards understanding my daughter and allowing HER to tell me how she feels instead of me suggesting to her how she should feel. Thanks Susie!