How to Answer, “Is Santa Clause real?”
by Susie E. Caron 12/26/15. You can get more articles & updates: click the button above my photo.
You’ve suspected all year and dreaded the day when your little ones ask the question:
“Is Santa Clause really real?”
You don’t want them to ask and you don’t like the answer much better.
They might have asked you from time to time, before, but this time you know that they know. So what’s the problem? Why do you dread the question and also the answer?
Most parents dread this moment because it means the beginning of the end of the essence of childhood. Childhood is all about magical thinking. This is the kind of thinking, typical of children ages 0-9 or beyond, when they can believe anything’s possible. Reindeer fly, Tinkerbell can be saved if we only believe, the Tooth Fairy exchanges tiny teeth for coins or crisp dollar bills, the Easter Bunny delivers Easter Eggs and candy, Santa watches everyone to see if they are ‘bad or good’, and monsters live in the dark. Although this moment is expected, it is also loaded with mixed feelings and often uncertainty about how to handle children's reactions.
Parents feel conflicted.
As parents we treasure our little one’s childhood, magical thinking and all. However, when they begin to doubt the reality of fantasy, we know that childhood is rapidly passing by. The question: “Is Santa Clause real?” heralds the time just before puberty; their tweens, and later teenage years. Let’s face it, you're bound to feel conflicted. You want your kids to grow up, but then again, you don’t. That’s one reason you feel some sadness about the question “Is Santa Clause really real?”
Another reason you may feel conflicted and dread this moment, is because, well quite frankly, you lied. You may have just agreed with their fantasies by going along with magical thinking in all its forms. Or, you may have generously contributed to their fantasies. Whichever you did, rest assured, it’s what good parents do, but it is also basically lying. What makes the situation even more complex is that you did all this at the same time you were teaching your kids how important it is to tell the truth. Yes, this does pose a problem, but don't worry there is a way to manage this very important moment in your children's lives.
Children receive the news in different ways.
Most children take the news as though it was just like the silly elephant jokes they tell in third grade. Some children, especially those warned not to ‘spoil it’ for the younger children in the family, take it as a ‘right of passage,’ into the secret society of early adult hood. They are not offended and seem to enjoy being allowed 'in on the secret.' Then there are those, who will look at you through teary eyes and accuse you of the worst offense, next to homicide. In fact, that’s what it feels like to those kids: like you deliberately killed off their best fantasy friends and lied about their existence all along. All these reactions pose a problem and opportunity for you both.
This is your opportunity for some real parenting magic.
What can you do? No matter what childhood reaction you find yourself facing, to the news that Santa isn't actually a real person who delivers Christmas presents, you have only one choice: you must apologize. It doesn't matter if you had provided reasonable answers to the lie, such as he's a legend, or he used to be a Saint, or whatever you came up with. You still have to apologize. Don’t be offended, by their reaction. Instead just apologize with all the sincerity you can muster, because your future relationship depends upon what you say next.
I have coached parents through this, and experienced these reactions in my own children, so I know this is very important opportunity you'll want to grab. How you handle it can ensure more open communication and contribute to a healthy relationship between you and your growing child right into their teens.
Here 's how.
No matter the reaction, tell your child, you are very sorry about lying. You understand that this hurts, (or that you are glad they understand and 'got the joke' or 'understand how important it is to keep the secret from the younger kids,' etc.) However, say that you are sorry for ever lying to him/her and then make them a promise.
PLEASE NOTE: This is the only promise I recommend you ever give, and it is the ONE which you MUST KEEP.
“I promise that I will never, ever, lie to you again." Then add, "and lying hurts, so much that I expect you will never lie to me as well. That way we won’t hurt each other. We must never lie to each other. Let’s make that a promise.”
Then write it down, hug, or link pinkies or whatever you need to do to seal this promise.
Here's why you'll want to apologize.
Apologizing to your child in this situation may seem strange to you, and you may not have thought about it. However, because your relationship to your child is forever altered by the question: “Is Santa Clause real," make sure you do everything in your power to keep that relationship in good shape. The tween and teen years are approaching and you will need honest and open communication between you. It doesn't matter when they have asked it's not too late to hold a similar discussion with all your children. Just change the wording to fit their developmental stages. This conversation can help anytime, but especially in the transition between childhood and early tweens. This is a prime opportunity.
My wish for you.
My wish for you is that this question doesn’t come soon and that you get to enjoy many, many years of magical thinking with your children. Childhood is very short, and as the lyics in the song Toyland by Johnny Mathis reminds us "once you've [they've] passed its borders, you can never return again." ( You can find song lyrics HERE )
Enjoy your children everyday, in magical thinking and beyond.
Please share this with your friends and sign up HERE to find out about my short parenting podcasts, beginning in January, and a parenting book you’ll enjoy I hope to release in February.
Twee’ Means You and Me
It’s the week before Christmas
by Susie E. Caron (c) 12/19/15
It's the week before Christmas
And what do I know
I’m ready to party
With gifts in a row
My grown kids are coming
To visit and eat
I love when they’re home
For us it’s a treat
My daughter’s away now
With a home and career
My son’s just engaged
His Fiancé's - a Dear
We’ll all eat too much
And exchange gifts til’ we’re done
We’ll enjoy many presents
But that’s not all of the fun
It’s about being together
To talk, laugh and share
Our hopes, lives and dreams
With loved ones who care
I’m glad I’m their Mommy
And Daddy is too
Without kids for Christmas
What would we do
Christmas and every day
Is about family
I thank God for each of you
And pray that you see
We're gifts to each other
Like that first Christmas Day
When we give ourselves
To each other and pray
That we'll have some more time
To hug, talk and see
We’re gifts to each other
Love means you and me
Have a very Merry Christmas. However, you celebrate, remember the most important gift you can give is being yourself in loving relationships. Thank you for being you. Please share this post with your friends on your favorite social sites.
Twee' means you and me.
Tis the Season I Shout Out a Great Big Thank You to Parents.
by Susie E. Caron (c) 12/13/15
Raising kids today is more difficult than ever before. However, parents are doing an incredible job. I am grateful for parents. That's why I am personally saying,
“Thank You, Parents!"
Today I am thanking parents for doing the most important job in the world, bar none. There is no job more important. No job is physically, intellectually, or emotionally more important than parenting children - the world's children - and the world's next generation of parents. What could be more important than this? There is one more, but I'll get to that.
Parents, I thank you for tackling all the demands of raising your kids. No matter how your children came into your home, you engage in an incredibly demanding job. Child care is demanding in itself. Add the duties of housekeeping, work responsibilities, career building, and taking care of yourself, makes child care even harder. I often wonder how you get anything accomplished. Yet you do them all and you do them well, including caring for your children.
Whew! Isn't this the busiest time of the year for parents?
The Holidays and Christmas time are the busiest seasons for everyone, but especially for parents. That's one reason I thank you for everything you are doing right now. I'll bet you are busier than anyone else. I believe you are even busier than candidates currently running for nomination for president. But, the job you do is far more important than theirs because you are engaged in raising up people - the next generation of adults. You are engaged in training your young to become responsible citizens and contribute good to their own families, society and the world. You do all that even during this season and throughout the year because you care.
You are especially important to your kids, but also to the world.
I wish I could personally thank each of you for everything you do to fashion, teach, train, help, correct, care for, your kids, our kids, the world’s kids. I had to write this article to say that I know and I care about you and the incredible job of parenting, in which you engage. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. With all my heart. Thank you. But, this isn’t enough.
You need something more.
Remember I said there was one more thing more important than taking good care of your kids? To do a really good job of taking care of kids, you also must take good care of yourself. It’s not selfish. It’s your responsibility! Parenting is the most important job in which you engage, but if you don’t take care of yourself, pretty soon, you won’t have time, energy or desire to take good care of your kids. You've got to spend time taking good care of yourself too. To take care of yourself means taking time out for you, doing something you enjoy, without your kids, and time to spend alone with your spouse. You are so important I'd like to give you something.
My Gift To You.
Right now, during the busiest time of your year, I want to give you something to thank you for the wonderful job you do of raising your kids.
It may seem like a funny gift, but I believe it's the best gift I can give you right now.
I give you the gift of PERMISSION to take time for you, and time with your spouse. Don't wait to do this. Sit down and block out dates and times for you and for you and your spouse right on your 2016 calendar. Set it up for at least one time each week. If your kids are really little, you may need to tag team and provide short spots of time away from your kids daily. Whatever you need, please plan for it. Take care of yourself and your relationship with your spouse. You’ll be much happier, your kids will be happier, and you can continue doing a good job raising your kids, the worlds kids, for all people.
Thank you for being you and for doing the most important job in the world. I appreciate you.
Please share this article with your friends on FB, Tw, and P. If you know a parent, (and we all do) take some time and tell them how much you appreciate them. What else can you do to help a parent get self-care time or time with their spouse. Leave a comment and share it with other readers here.
Twee’ means you and me
Together we can raise good kids.
How to Get Respect!
by Susie E. Caron (c) 12/8/15
Rodney Dangerfield coined the statement, "I don't get no respect." He projected the life of a loser, and it became his tag line, and brand. Funny? Sure! Unless you're a parent and your kids disrespect you.
As a parent, you are engaged in the most important job of all - raising your kids to be responsible adults who contribute to life in your family, local community, country and the world. There is no more important job on earth! The job you do is so worthy of respect and admiration, it's absolutely necessary that you teach your kids to respect you, and to carry this enduring respect within them.
You are not a loser and you deserve respect.
You deserve the respect of your spouse.
You deserve the respect of you kids.
You deserve the respect of your family, friends, coworkers, boss, and acquaintances.
So how do you get respect, especially from your children?
First you determine today to fully respect yourself. I know that sometimes we all do things or act in ways or neglect to do things that we feel make us deserve respect. This isn't about that. You're human. Humans make mistakes all the time. Get over it. You have to, because today you will begin to respect yourself so much that whenever you speak to anyone, kids, spouse, adults, coworkers, boss, waitress, taxi driver, receptionist, phone clerk, etc. etc., you speak to them with RESPECT because you absolutely RESPECT yourself.
This is the decision you make:
"I RESPECT myself. That's why, from this moment forward, I will speak respectfully to every person I encounter, including my kids, whether they act like they deserve it or not."
Respect isn't about another persons deserving it. It's about YOU DESERVING IT.
You must respect yourself so much that you would never lower yourself to disrespect anyone, including your kids.
This is how kids learn to respect you.
You command respect because you are worthy of respect.
You command (not 'demand') your kid's respect when you fully respect yourself.
You command their respect when you interact with, and speak respectfully to them.
You command their respect when you conduct yourself with respect.
You command respect because you are a human of unique and wonderful design.
You command your kids respect because of all this and because and you are their parent. That's enough.
What do you do when Kid's speak disrespectfully to you?
Stop what you are doing, turn fully toward them and say, "I don't speak disrespectfully to you and I won't tolerate or hear you speak disrespectfully to me. Now ask (or tell) me in a better way." (Rinse and repeat or don't respond until you are spoken to respectfully.)
When I began to do this, my life began to change. I believe yours will too.
So begin today to respect yourself and watch what happens.
If you found this helpful, sign up HERE for email updates about my new parenting book, to be released winter 2015.
Twee' Means You & Me ,
You deserve Respect.
I Win & There's Something Free For You.
by Susie E. Caron (c) 12/4/2015
I won! That's right!
And because of this, I'm launching a FREE Kindle Promo for my series of 3 Picture Books. But first I want to share my success and how you can benefit.
First, about my winning PIBoIdMo.
This November I completed the Picture Book Idea Month challenge, hosted annually by Tara Lazar. To win I had to create at least 30 new picture book ideas in 30 days from Nov. 1 -30. This year I created 40 new ideas in the 30 days!!! Woo Hoo! As a result I am a winner! Actually I am one of the winners because everyone who completed at least 30 in the 30 days is a winner. But there's more.....
As an active participant, I competed for other prizes.
I just needed to read and comment on guest blogs, written by authors, illustrators, editors or others, who were invited to share ideas about the process of writing picture books. The random drawings for prizes will happen around Dec. 6, and I can't wait to see if I win something. There are lots of books, and other goodies for prizes. 13 lucky winners will actually win feedback from a literary agent for their best 5 new picture book ideas. Wow! I hope I win one of those!
How will you benefit?
First, I'm hoping that one of my picture book ideas will become my next series for you and your kids to read. Then I can hold a new promotion. That reminds me of my giveaway for you.
Who doesn't love something for FREE!
I was so excited to win that I decided for 3 days, from 12/5/15/-12/7/15 to make my Kindle Picture Books available for FREE. This is the perfect opportunity for you to discover these beautiful books with adorable messages. For a few days only, you can download them absolutely FREE. (They are usually regularly priced at $2.99 each).
Why am I giving them away now?
I wanted to make them available because I know how it feels to win something. Besides, I know you are "making your #Gift Giving lists for the children in your life."
These picture books will last well beyond this Holiday Season. So I believe that after you read Twee', I Am Twee', and Twee' for Two, for free, that you'll like them so much, you'll want to buy the quality paperback editions for kids (ages 3-9) on your list. Maybe you'll even want to give each book and honest review. I'd really appreciate that.
More #Gift Ideas:
You may not want to stop there. Twee's Picture Books also make terrific birthday gifts and are great for new parents. What could be better than starting their new baby's library? Speaking of 'libraries', why not buy a set to donate to your child's classroom, libraries in your school or home town? I promise everyone loves little Twee' and her meaningful stories endure for generations.
Are you as excited as I am?
Here is the link to get you to Amazon and collect your free kindle editions of
Twee', I Am Twee', and Twee' for Two. Don't wait. They are only FREE for three days from 12/5/15-12/7/15 at midnight. Click this LINK and get them today.
Want to stay updated about the new books I'm writing and publishing in the near future? (Hint book for parents in the works.) Sign up HERE and I'll keep you posted. There may even be more "Freebies" coming when you do.
Remember Life is Better Together
Twee' Means You & Me
Hugs and Blessings
Susie E. Caron
These are from my former life with many current memories and helps for parents.
I retired from teaching, became a psychotherapist treating children and families and an author. After retiring I became a full time artist.
I recently reopened this parenting blog because I believe wisdom is to be shared.
Author of Chidren's Books,
Christian, Wife, & Mother, I want to help you build parent-child relationships, 1 blog, & books at a time.
When I'm not busy creating articles or paintings, you might find me looking for dark chocolate or playing with my Boxer, Josie.
These articles are for educational and self-help purposes only and are not intended as psychotherapy.
If you experience unusual symptoms or discomfort please see your medical or mental health practitioner.
No patent liability is assumed for use of the information contained. The author disclaims any responsibility for loss or risk for use or application of this material.
Buy All 3 Today.
Blog Reviews & Thank You!
July 13 at 7:17pm ·
Just wanted to say that I love your posts about the different ways to connect/relate/understand your child. It has given me a new approach towards understanding my daughter and allowing HER to tell me how she feels instead of me suggesting to her how she should feel. Thanks Susie!