How to Help Kids Act Their Age.

(c 2014) Tantrum Turtles by Susie E. Caron

How To Help Your Kids Act Their Age.

      by Susie E. Caron           7/7/2014         

All children fall into regressive behaviors from time to time, and behave like a younger version of themselves. These include behaviors the child had outgrown such as baby talk, wanting to be diapered, bottle fed, held, or rocked. Sometimes regression includes whining, and throwing tantrums. In school aged kids regression presents more as clinging, insecurity, and fears. 

Sometimes, adults hardly notice, or perhaps  the behaviors don’t last long enough to become problematic.  However, parents become concerned when regression in their preschool or elementary aged kid becomes annoying or persistent. 

This Does NOT Help.

While it may seem natural to scold or even necessary to say to the child, “Please act your age," and add, you are a big girl/boy now.” That is actually the opposite of what you should do if you want the behaviors to stop.

Causes

There is an underlying reason that kids fall back to younger behavior patterns, but actual causes for regression vary. Sometimes, it is due to the introduction of a new baby sister or brother. Often regression shows up right before children are scheduled to go to school, or move into the next grade. Regression can accompany family transitions, holidays, and stressors, when adults are pre-occupied with decision making. The actual cause doesn't matter. Here's the underlying reason for regression in childhood.

                "Children only regress because they NEED to regress for a while."

That’s right! Regression is actually important for children’s sense of well-being and feelings of safety and security. In effect,

                "They fall back to jump forward developmentally."

Here's how parents can reduce regression in children.

So, what should a parent do when children regress?  I understand that regression can be concerning, annoying and embarrassing sometimes and in some environments for the parents. The following suggestion usually helps reduce the duration of the regressive behaviors by quite a lot.

If you want to shorten the time in regression, or  possibly stop the behaviors  do this:

        "Move into the regression’ with the child."

That's correct: You need to agree with your child. In effect, if the child acts younger, respectfully agree to treat them younger. That means, if the child talks baby talk, say in sincerity, “Oh do you want to be my baby for a while? OK, let me rock you.” If there whines or tantrums, do whatever you did when your child was younger. If your child is acting younger prior to going to school, offer more nurturing, cuddling, reading together times, etc. If your child makes an unreasonable request, like a previously well potty trained 5 year old wanting to be diapered, you could respond by saying something like this: “I hear you saying you want a diaper too, but that’s not something I want you to do. Instead you can pick another way to be like my baby again.”

The main point is that your child is seeking reassurance and nurturing whenever he/she regresses into younger behavior. Being kind and reassuring usually takes care of the issue. If, however this does not help within a couple weeks, you may want to speak with a therapist, your doctor or pastor for more assistance.

Did you find this article helpful? I'd love to hear from you.
What do you do to help your child?
Why not take a second and leave me a comment below. Thank you!

Twee' Means You and Me

Susie E. Caron

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