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SUSIE E CARON
MOTHER, TEACHER AND PSYCHOLOGIST RETIRED
WELL, MOTHER'S NEVER RETIRE. RIGHT?


9/7/2015

Let Kids Fail (Some of the time)

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Let Kids Fail (Some of the time)

by Susie E. Caron © 9/7/15

As the kids start back to school, this may seem a strange topic. However, I hope you’ll read this and tell me what you think about letting your kids ‘fail,’ at least some of the time.

As good parents, the last thing we want is for our kids to ‘fail,’ at anything and anytime. 

That’s one of the reasons most parents today have become like ‘hovering, protecting, helping, success coaches.’ Another reason parents hover, etc. is that today’s life is extremely fast paced and demanding of our time and energies. We figure that we have to help our kids or they won’t stand a chance. Our kids  are also have to handle more than ever thought possible and they seem to ‘expect’ us to help. As parents we tend to step in every time we think they could ‘falter.’ We don’t want them to fail. We want them to succeed. 

What if there are some good reasons that kids NEED to fail, at least sometimes?

While it is important that kids have success, there are some really good reasons to let them fail, at least some of the time. For example, if little Jimmy forgets his homework frequently, a parent might NOT drive it to school just in the nick of time. If Sally doesn’t get the part in her school play, Mommy might NOT go talk to her friend, the director, to make sure Sally gets the part after all.  If Chad doesn’t get to play in his little league game, Daddy might NOT scold him for not getting to play. 

The problem with helping too much is that our kids don’t get a chance to grow from their mistakes. They actually can learn more through their struggles and failures, than in their easy successes. Failures from time to time also create opportunities for kids to take responsibility for their words, decisions and actions. Kids whose parents hover and assure their ‘successes’ soon find that their kids do not grow ‘responsibility muscles.’ Instead they continue into adulthood expecting their parents to ‘handle’ many things in their lives. When parents don’t step in, adult children simply blame their parents for whatever misfortune they find themselves in.  I know you don’t want that. 

Kids whose parents help them to learn through their failures grow up more responsible, and know how to look for new understanding, opportunity, and direction throughout their lives. It’s important for parents to value and applaud their children’s successes, plus help kids learn valuable life lessons and responsibility through their struggles and even their failures.


I hope you and your kids turn every difficulty and ‘failure’ into an opportunity for new learning and growth.

Thank you for reading my blog. Tell me what you think about this topic or what you do to help your kids through their struggles.

Twee’ Means You and Me

Working Together to Raise Great Kids

Susie


christina link
9/11/2015 02:54:07 pm

We experienced this with our oldest daughter. It wasn't so much that we kept her from failing, she just never faced adversity. Then when she did, she couldn't handle it.

Susie link
9/12/2015 12:06:19 pm

Christina, Thank you for your comment. I'm sorry to hear about this. You are not alone. Many parents have experienced this. I hope things improved for her and for you. The world is a tough task master. We can only hope our kids toughen up 'in time' & don't get into too much trouble. - See more at: http://www.susiecaron.com/between-you--me-blog/let-kids-fail-some-of-the-time#sthash.3TKBoWaM.dpuf

Susie link
9/11/2015 04:05:48 pm

Christina, Thank you for your comment. I'm sorry to hear about this. You are not alone. Many parents have experienced this. I hope things improved for her and for you. The world is a tough task master. We can only hope our kids toughen up 'in time' & don't get into too much trouble.

Michele link
9/11/2015 05:31:59 pm

I couldn't agree with you more. Kids do need to fail so they can learn to pick themselves up and try again and learn. I have worked in education for thirty plus years and parents today do not let their kids fail. It is almost like it is a bad reflection on them!

Susie link
9/11/2015 06:59:05 pm

Michele, Thank you for your comment. Parents today are under tremendous pressure to 'make their kids excel' at seemingly everything. Its time to help them discover that it's only where we are different, that we can contribute something to society. Thank you and Bless you for the vital work you do, helping to raise each next generation.


Comments are closed.
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    Susie E. Caron 
    These are from my former life with many current memories and helps for parents. 
    I retired from teaching, became a psychotherapist treating children and families and an author. After retiring I became a full time artist. 
    I recently reopened this parenting blog because I believe wisdom is to be shared. 
     

    Author of Chidren's Books,
    Christian, Wife, & Mother, I want to help you build parent-child relationships, 1 blog, & books at a time.
    When I'm not  busy creating articles or paintings, you might find me  looking for dark chocolate or playing with my Boxer, Josie.
    Disclaimer
    These articles are for educational and self-help purposes only and are not intended as psychotherapy. 
    If you experience unusual symptoms or discomfort please see your medical or mental health practitioner.

    No patent liability is assumed for use of the information contained. The author disclaims any responsibility for loss or risk for use or application  of this material.
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***Disclaimer
These articles are for educational and self-help purposes only .
No patent liability is assumed for use of the information contained.The author disclaims any responsibility for loss or risk for use or application  of this material.
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