Susie Caron Pet & Wildlife Art
  • HOME
    • PET PORTRAITS & REVIEWS
    • HOW TO ORDER YOUR PET PORTRAIT
  • ABOUT
  • BLOG
    • Parent's Blog
  • SHOP
    • Books
    • AWARD WINNING PAINTINGS BY SUSIE E CARON
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   PARENTING BLOG
SUSIE E CARON
MOTHER, TEACHER AND PSYCHOLOGIST RETIRED
WELL, MOTHER'S NEVER RETIRE. RIGHT?


What Did She Mean?

7/17/2013

 
I Didn't Mean That! 
by Susie E. Caron (7-17-2013)
I remember standing in line, outside my highschool choir room door. I chatted with two classmates while we awaited the signal to walk into class. I don't remember the topic, but I said something. One of the girls, (I'll name her Terry) snapped back at me. This startled me, because as far as I knew, I hadn't said anything that should upset her. Immediately the other teen (I'll call her Lucy) spoke to Terry and said, "That's not what she meant." Terry visibly calmed down and any further discussion stopped abruptly as we were ushered into the room. 

To this day, I don't remember what I said that "I didn't mean." Obviously Lucy knew something about communication that I missed.  "How did she KNOW,"  that I had actually intended something other than what Terry heard?

Training and experience taught me that language comes in many forms. I'm not talking about different dialects or 'languages' per se. I'm referring to the multi-layered communications in which we humans engage. (And likely some animals...but that is not my point here). Obviously communication involves much more that the actual words spoken. 

For example: Think about the many ways a parent can speak a child's name. "Charlie", for example is just a name. However, spoken in a variety of ways, it can mean "I'm feeling gentle and nurturing toward you." Or "Get your muddy shoes off my new couch!" Or perhaps, "Now you are being very silly." (Try it!)  One more example may help: Think about the term "Sweet Heart." Do I really need to spell out the ways THAT can be spoken?

What I just illustrated helps us to recognize at least one added layer to meaning-making in 'spoken' language.  This is called the 'Meta Message.' Our words convey only a small portion of our meaning. Our tone, inflection and pitch carry meta messages behind the words. We all use meta messages, but often we shouldn't. 

When we use words that contradict our underlying "meanings" (the Meta-Messages), we are not being authentic. When our words and non-verbal intentions match, we are true to ourselves and clear with others. Improved communication enhances our relationships. 

When you speak, think about the meaning behind your words, especially those you speak to your children. I encourage you to attach warm, nurturing, 'I believe in you' messages when you speak their names. When you want to correct a behavior, just speak clearly the behavior you DO want. "Muddy Feet Belong Outdoors Now!"  Or maybe "Get those muddy shoe off my new couch!" 


Underlying "meta messages" in agreement with spoken words enhances your authenticity and personal power. Remember to "Say what you mean and mean what you say,"  to enhance your communication and relationships.





Comments are closed.
    Picture
    Susie E. Caron 
    These are from my former life with many current memories and helps for parents. 
    I retired from teaching, became a psychotherapist treating children and families and an author. After retiring I became a full time artist. 
    I recently reopened this parenting blog because I believe wisdom is to be shared. 
     

    Author of Chidren's Books,
    Christian, Wife, & Mother, I want to help you build parent-child relationships, 1 blog, & books at a time.
    When I'm not  busy creating articles or paintings, you might find me  looking for dark chocolate or playing with my Boxer, Josie.
    Disclaimer
    These articles are for educational and self-help purposes only and are not intended as psychotherapy. 
    If you experience unusual symptoms or discomfort please see your medical or mental health practitioner.

    No patent liability is assumed for use of the information contained. The author disclaims any responsibility for loss or risk for use or application  of this material.
    Picture
         Buy All 3 Today.

    Categories

    All
    About Kids
    Family Activities
    Memories
    Parent Tips
    PictureBooks
    Poetry
    Relationships
    Safety
    Self Care
    WritePublishMarket
    WritePulishMarket

    Picture
    Tweets by @CGPSusieCaron

    Archives

    January 2017
    December 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    April 2014
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013

    RSS Feed

    Blog  Reviews & Thank You!
    Sheila Michelle‎
    July 13 at 7:17pm · 
    Just wanted to say that I love your posts about the different ways to connect/relate/understand your child. It has given me a new approach towards understanding my daughter and allowing HER to tell me how she feels instead of me suggesting to her how she should feel. Thanks Susie!

    
   Susie E. Caron ., Author   c 2013 - 2021...  All Rights Reserved.
*Affiliate Links: Some of the links I may post from time to time are "affiliate links."   This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission., which does not affect the price you  pay. I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. However, the customer is responsible to research and choose according to personal and business needs. The customer, and not this author, also assumes full responsibility for use, loss or risk for selecting and using products and services. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials." 
Susie E. Caron      2013 - 2023
***Disclaimer
All articles in this website are for educational and self-help purposes only .
No patent liability is assumed for use of the information contained. The author disclaims any responsibility for loss or risk for use or application  of this material.
Memberships and Affiliations​
  • AWeber Email *    Free
  • Village Frame Shoppe & Gallery
  • ​Bryan Memorial Gallery
  • Northern Vermont Artists Associations​
  • B's Flowers & Gifts​​
  • HOME
    • PET PORTRAITS & REVIEWS
    • HOW TO ORDER YOUR PET PORTRAIT
  • ABOUT
  • BLOG
    • Parent's Blog
  • SHOP
    • Books
    • AWARD WINNING PAINTINGS BY SUSIE E CARON