Susie Caron Pet & Wildlife Art
  • Home
    • Order Custom Pet Portrait
    • REVIEWS
  • ABOUT
  • ARTIST'S BLOG
  • GALLERY STORE
    • Books
    • AWARD WINNING PAINTINGS BY SUSIE E CARON
  • Home
    • Order Custom Pet Portrait
    • REVIEWS
  • ABOUT
  • ARTIST'S BLOG
  • GALLERY STORE
    • Books
    • AWARD WINNING PAINTINGS BY SUSIE E CARON
Search by typing & pressing enter

YOUR CART

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   PARENTING BLOG
SUSIE E CARON
MOTHER, TEACHER AND PSYCHOLOGIST RETIRED
WELL, MOTHER'S NEVER RETIRE. RIGHT?


2/1/2015

Why You Don't Want to Say "Don't" to Children

PictureCartoon by Susie Caron (c) 2/1/15
Here's Why You Don’t Want to Say Don’t to Children


by Susie E. Caron ©2/1/15

Parents often get frustrated or even angry when children don’t listen and don't stop doing something at the parents’ request.

Have you said something like, “Don’t do that”? Or, perhaps you've told your children “Stop doing that!” The truth is that most young children, as well as older children, don’t respond easily to the words “Don’t”, or “Stop”. There are lots of interesting reasons for this, but they are too numerous to describe in this article. Instead, I will give you a better way to get your children to respond more often. All you have to do is change a few words.

Below are two scenarios. The first example will likely be very familiar to you. The second illustrates the change you will want to make.

Scenario #1:

4 year old Sally is jumping on your new couch, because she found it to be nice and bouncy. You don’t want her to do this for several reasons such as:

1. it’s new.

2. you don’t want her to jump on anyone else's couch.

3.  she could fall and hurt herself.

As a result, you immediately say, “Sally, don’t jump on the couch.”

Sally is not hard of hearing, unusually defiant, or ignoring you, but she clearly doesn't stop. So you find yourself, raising your voice, getting agitated and even angry as you continue to tell her, (louder and louder) “Stop jumping on the couch! Don’t jump on our new couch! I told you get off the couch!”

This is clearly not getting you the results you want because 

1.       Sally is not listening, obeying, etc.

2.       She is getting to practice defying you.

3.       She is in danger of hurting herself, or the couch.

There is an easier way. As I mentioned above, "all you have to do is change a few words" to gain the desired result. Instead of telling your young child what you don’t want her to do, tell her exactly the behavior you do want. Below is an example of this.

Scenario #2:

4 year old Sally is jumping on your new bouncy couch. You immediately move into her direct view, 6 feet away, and while waving your hands excitedly, you say “Oh, Sally, Feet on the floor! Quick put your feet on the floor!”

To your delight and to ‘Sally’s’ surprise she jumps off the couch and finds herself suddenly on the floor. Now you can tell her your reason for the request. (I recommend you say something like, “Thank you Sally, I want you to be safe. Keeping your feet on the floor is safe.) If she grins and climbs aboard the couch again, you grin and repeat your command, “Feet belong on the floor.” And calmly and gently help her down. Then tell her “Good job, Thank you,” and distract her immediately with something that will be fun for her to do. For example, you could offer to play "Hide & Seek" or suggest you want to see how fast she can run and "time her running" from point to point outdoors. A fifteen minute span having fun with you will help remove the desire to go back to using up her energy by jumping on the couch.

This is just one example of how a simple change in your words can alter the outcome. No matter what situation you face, when you choose words that tell your children exactly what you want them to do, they will listen to you much better, and obey you more often. You will find yourself enjoying your children more and they will be happier too.


Thank you for reading. Remember to social share this by clicking on the links on the left. I'd also love to hear from you.  Leave a comment below and  tell me how this article helped you.


Twee' Means You & Me
Susie E. Caron





Renee Banford
4/13/2015 05:56:43 am

I found the article very helpful, and it makes a lot of sense. Positive reinforcement always gets the job done in my experience with my child, who now is 13. Thank you Ms Caron

Susie Caron link
4/13/2015 09:49:31 am

Thank you Renee Banford for your comment. You are correct. Positive reinforcement is always more helpful. Thank you again for your comment. I treasure readers, like you.


Comments are closed.
    Picture
    Susie E. Caron 
    These are from my former life with many current memories and helps for parents. 
    I retired from teaching, became a psychotherapist treating children and families and an author. After retiring I became a full time artist. 
    I recently reopened this parenting blog because I believe wisdom is to be shared. 
     

    Author of Chidren's Books,
    Christian, Wife, & Mother, I want to help you build parent-child relationships, 1 blog, & books at a time.
    When I'm not  busy creating articles or paintings, you might find me  looking for dark chocolate or playing with my Boxer, Josie.
    Disclaimer
    These articles are for educational and self-help purposes only and are not intended as psychotherapy. 
    If you experience unusual symptoms or discomfort please see your medical or mental health practitioner.

    No patent liability is assumed for use of the information contained. The author disclaims any responsibility for loss or risk for use or application  of this material.
    Picture
         Buy All 3 Today.

    Categories

    All About Kids Family Activities Memories Parent Tips PictureBooks Poetry Relationships Safety Self Care WritePublishMarket WritePulishMarket

    Picture
    Tweets by @CGPSusieCaron

    Archives

    January 2017
    December 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    April 2014
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013

    RSS Feed

    Blog  Reviews & Thank You!
    Sheila Michelle‎
    July 13 at 7:17pm · 
    Just wanted to say that I love your posts about the different ways to connect/relate/understand your child. It has given me a new approach towards understanding my daughter and allowing HER to tell me how she feels instead of me suggesting to her how she should feel. Thanks Susie!

    
   Susie E. Caron ., Author   c 2013 - 2021...  All Rights Reserved.
*Affiliate Links: Some of the links I may post from time to time are "affiliate links."   This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission., which does not affect the price you  pay. I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. However, the customer is responsible to research and choose according to personal and business needs. The customer, and not this author, also assumes full responsibility for use, loss or risk for selecting and using products and services. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials." 
Susie E. Caron      2013 - 2016
***Disclaimer
These articles are for educational and self-help purposes only .
No patent liability is assumed for use of the information contained.The author disclaims any responsibility for loss or risk for use or application  of this material.
Memberships and Affiliations​
  • AWeber Email
  • Village Frame Shoppe & Gallery
  • ​Bryan Memorial Gallery
  • Northern Vermont Artists Associations​
  • Vermont Crafts Council
AWeber Free: Email marketing for free. No credit card required.